Two Roads Diverged In a Wood, And I

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

Hello, world.

I am in Savannah, Georgia. Starting my postgrad- Masters in Writing at SCAD (short for Savannah College of Art & Design).

I feel like I’m on a really fast roller coaster (even though I terribly fear them), and things seem to be flying like a rocket for me ever since I left Pakistan.

I honestly have no words, because this is a big change in my life. When most girls my age are forced to marry and start a family, I have been given the choice of living abroad, in the good old US of A, and take my future in my hands.

I had given up, truly. When I got the acceptance at SCAD and expressed my excitement to go there, my parents and family did not agree. In their eyes, I was 26 and unmarried, getting old and nearing my expiration date. However, one day in November, my parents just came up to me and told me that they will support my decision to go to SCAD despite what everyone says or thinks.

And so, I applied for and got my student visa, and here I am. I’ll march my band out.
I will beat my drum,
And if I’m fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir,

I can sing this whole damn song, and I have realized that I am a theater nerd as well.

To new beginnings!

xoxo

Advertisements

Are we even human?

One year ago, Pakistan lost more than 150 of her children. Today marks one year of the tragic and horrifying incident that happened in a school in Peshawar.

When we found out about the attack, we all were shocked. I couldn’t sleep for days because I saw the bodies on TV. The floors looked like somebody threw red paint all over. It looked unreal, like we were watching a TV show or a movie. Pakistan has never seen school shootings. This was a massacre. Nobody even thought that sending our kids to school to get an education would be dangerous.

There were little kids who had just started their first days of school, and those who were about to finish theirs. This is by far the ugliest terrorist attack Pakistan has ever seen, and we have been through a lot. But this was just… Horrible. And sickening. Who preys on innocent children? What do they get from murdering kids in cold blood? How barbaric of them. Are we still living in the ancient times, in the caves and forests? Is this really the 21st century? What were the shooters even thinking? This is highly immoral and so wrong in every religion and culture and school of thought. No God, no leader, no ruler would commend this.

CWWbLT0WcAA99MW CWWbLVPXAAAKzZp

One year has passed since the brutal incident and we still haven’t healed. It will take time, but the loss will always linger, looming over us like a storm cloud, and reminding us every day of what we’ve lost.

As to those people who were comparing the acts of terror that happened in Paris earlier in November and the Pakistan school attack, shame on you. Both incidents resulted in the brutal murder of innocent people. There is no comparison between their loss and ours. They are equally horrifying and very sad. Also. We don’t just need to pray for Paris, or for Pakistan. The world needs our prayers right now because apparently we have forgotten what being human is.

Michael_Jackson_-_Heal_the_World

I used to be a bully?

What? 😧😧😧😱

Okay. So, last night, this guy messaged me on facebook and turns out we went to middle school together. He was in my class, but I don’t really remember him, because I changed schools in high school.

He told me that he remembers me because I used to be one of the two girls who’d hit boys in our class.

11997327_751986861591134_1943360787_n11998234_751986858257801_1808838315_n copy

That came as a shock for me. 😕😕😕 Yes, I was a tomboy and liked to play with boys. But I really don’t remember hitting any boy in my class. That’s sad. I confirmed with this other friend of mine, who went to university with me, and he says he remembers that I was a tomboy but he can’t recall me ever hitting anyone. 😐

This is so weird. I didn’t think I was a bully. And this guy says I was. I am so embarrassed. 😳😳😳

Of BFFs and besties

Having girlfriends is quite crucial in a girl’s life. We read about it in books, see it in the movies. The Girl Code, sisters before misters, chicks before dicks. We’ve all heard these sayings more than once in our lives. Everyday, around us. Movies, TV shows, books, music, you name it. They all preach the importance of sisterhood, having girl friends, and as they say “boys come and go but girlfriends are forever.”

This had me thinking. And it came as a blow. When I think about BFFs and besties and girl friends, I can’t name one in my life. Like. Yes. I had BFFs, I had plenty. Just, the friendship wouldn’t last long no matter what I tried. Every year, I’d make a new BFF, and every time I would lose her to someone or something else. And that would leave me feeling sad all the time.

I am not that kind of person who has a big circle of friends, I’ve never been that person. The friends that I have are very few. Mostly one or two. And I don’t talk to anybody who hasn’t ever spoken to me. I don’t know, I just don’t like meeting new people.

I know when I started becoming this reserved. I changed schools three times in 4 years, and thus, I had no friends. I’d stay to myself, mind my own business. The whole of sixth grade, I was friendless. I was the new girl and nobody would talk to me. In seventh grade, there was only one girl whom I spoke with. For the next two years, she became my BFFFFFF. Seriously. I was so happy that someone was friends with me, I think I freaked her out by being too excited. But. In the ninth grade, she got in a separate class, and we would only meet when it was the lunch period or when the school was over. Gradually, she had different friends and I was left alone again.

In the tenth grade, there was this girl, who sat next to me and she became a good friend. But we never spoke once we finished school, so. That doesn’t even count.

When I started college, the first few months were HORRIBLE for me. But soon after, I made friends with three girls, and we’re still friends, but we rarely meet because two of them are married with babies and we all just got busy with our lives. We do the occasional hi and hello.

When I started university, it was a fresh start. But the first semester was depressing for me as my parents didn’t let me go out with new friends, and soon I became the “weird girl.” I started reading a lot and nobody bothered me, and I was happy with that. But in the second semester, a girl approached me and she literally forced us to be friends. She got married in August and I shared pictures of us here. She could be my BFF but she’s moved to Sri Lanka with her husband and so now, we just talk over whatsapp or facebook.

There was this other girl at university, too. I initiated the friendship, though. And we were really good friends. BFFs, morelike. We spent four years, studying the same courses and taking the same classes. And we always paired together in assignments and projects. We used to go EVERYWHERE together. But. In the last year at university, I lost her to a boy. She got in a relationship with a guy from our class, who is now her fiance. When she started dating him, it was as if I had stopped existing. We used to sit in the same class, together, but we never talked because she was so busy flirting with her then-boyfriend. And so, back to my books I went. I started buying a lot of books and finishing them in just a few days. And when I ran out of new stuff to read, I started re-reading the Harry Potter series (for the fifteenth time). We talk now. But very less. It’s usually when she needs something from me, she’ll text.

I don’t know, though. All this hype about having girl friends, and the Girl Code and Friends Forever. For me, this is all bull. No offense. But seriously. Nothing lasts forever. Not family, not friends, not love. But. Obviously, I don’t want to be a pessimist. So. I am looking. It’s not like I have stopped hoping, because I do. I have hopes, and I have dreams. Let’s see what life has to offer now.


By the way, I’m really sorry for sharing my whole (almost) life story to you here. I had something brief in mind and all this came out.