Rantings

I’ve been standing at a crossroad in this phase of my life for a very long time now. And I guess, I’ve procrastinated a little (okay, a lot). And it hasn’t helped. Neither has family for that matter.

When should parents back off from trying to control their child’s life? I feel as if I am still their puppet. I try to break free but they won’t keep their hands off of me, and I just trip over and fall each time I make a run for it.

Asian parents are more controlling than the average parent, and I guess one can’t really get them off their backs so easily. Especially Brown parents. Also, especially in a stupid society like Pakistan’s.

But when is enough enough? When do we finally say no? When do we take back our own lives? I want to be the grownup they’ve raised me to be. But HOW do I get this past the thick skulls of theirs? My parents are full of contradictions. On one hand, I am old enough to have 3 kids by now, a house and a husband of my own. But, yet, I am too naive to make my own decisions and too young to take control of my life.

When will parents let their kids finally grow up?

Advertisements

Ali

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. His hands can’t hit what his eyes can’t see. 

Rest in peace, Muhammad Ali. May God grant you the highest place in paradise, Ameen. ❤️❤️❤️

I grew up watching your fights on tape, on repeat. Hundred times a day, my brother would rewind, forward and pause and rewind again, and make me and my sister watch all your fights and interviews and glorious moments continuously.

You were really handsome, and tbh, you have set the bar really high for me. I admit I developed a crush on you, from the moment I first saw you on TV. You were so sassy, and beautiful and confident, you stole my heart right there and then!

A couple of years ago, I set up a google alert on my email to get news about you, and I wasn’t prepared for this. It’s so heartbreaking. I was really dreading this day. The good are always the first to leave early. And surely the world is a lot gloomier now that you’re gone.

You will always be remembered by this tomboyish girl. I love you. ❤️❤️❤️

Why friend breakups hurt the most?

Maybe because making friends isn’t easy.

Breaking up with a lover means losing half of your heart, which you can more or less put back together in time. But breaking up with a friend results in losing half of your soul, and that never completely heals. You feel lost, useless and you’ll be afraid… Afraid to find a new friend. And that is devastating.

Losing a friend is just painful. Especially if they were really true friends. Then be prepared for your entire world to crumble up.

I have had a history of friendship breakups all my life. And this one hurt the most. Maybe because now I am older and making friends at this point in my life does not come easy.

Sigh. I’ll be eating icecream alone tonight.

The Wizarding School of my Dreams

What to do when your dream school rejects you?

I always knew Durham as Hogwarts, as parts of the Harry Potter films were shot there, such as this famous scene from the first movie.

harry_potter_philosophers_stone_58

However, it was my last year at college, and my Advanced English teacher, born and raised in UK, asked me about my majors for undergrad university. It was a routine check up for the whole class.

Since I was a shy student, she barely knew anything about me. I told her I wanted to study Creative Writing, and that I was passionate about it, and so, she asked to read my poems.

Later, she called me to the teacher’s room, and we talked for a long time. She was the first and only one to recommend Durham. It’s been almost 6 years since we had that talk, and however I don’t recall much, I do remember her exact words: Durham is Harvard for writers. 

And so, keeping in mind our conversation, I applied to Durham University last month for their Masters program. I was unsure, of course, because Durham is one of the best institutions in the UK.

I hadn’t received a word on the update of my application, and it had been over the usual 6-month period, so I emailed them today. I woke up to find their very bittersweet rejection.

Sure, I am not the best writer out there, but a part of me wasn’t expecting it… Sigh.

There could have been a hundred things they didn’t like about me and honestly, I would have preferred if they had disclosed the reason why I didn’t make the cut.

Was it my writing style, was it boring? Were my poems not professional enough? Dear God, I hope there weren’t any grammatical mistakes. Did my personal essay put them to sleep? Was it my IELTS score? Was my resume not up to point, or was it just me in general? The fact I am an international student and of Pakistani origin?

Any of these could be the reason I didn’t make the final decision, and I really wish they had disclosed what it was. Because these questions will definitely haunt me for a long, long time.

Rejection

It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, really, and after the approval of my family, I sent applications to study Creative Writing at a few universities in the UK. 

I think I’m too old for a masters degree, tbh. But there is no harm in applying, so I went forward with it. 

I heard back from one of the universities. Just did, actually. And it’s a rejection. 

This just makes me numb. I don’t feel anything. It is definitely what I was afraid of. One of the reasons why I almost never took part in the writing competitions at school. I was afraid of exactly this. 

Now I’m just thinking I am so stupid to believe that I could be a writer. Wow. Because if they rejected me, I must be really bad. 

And I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. 

Diary of a clumsy girl

I’ve broken my phone!  *tears* I am such a klutz. I dropped my phone for a millionth time and it finally cracked. The left side of the screen is shattered and the touch has stopped working. 😢

I’ve dropped my previous phones a hundred times, too, but never broke the screen. A Nokia phone is understandable, because duh, it’s Nokia. But I had an HTC One for three years before my iPhone and it lived despite me dropping it almost every day. 😳😳😳

It’s been not even a year and I’ve broken my iPhone 6. My dad is not happy. 😏 I feel so cut off from the world, without Whatsapp and Snapchat. Also, the two games that I religiously play: Ruzzle and Trivia Crack. 😞

I’m going to the Apple Store tomorrow. Hope I get it fixed! 😁