Two Roads Diverged In a Wood, And I

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

Hello, world.

I am in Savannah, Georgia. Starting my postgrad- Masters in Writing at SCAD (short for Savannah College of Art & Design).

I feel like I’m on a really fast roller coaster (even though I terribly fear them), and things seem to be flying like a rocket for me ever since I left Pakistan.

I honestly have no words, because this is a big change in my life. When most girls my age are forced to marry and start a family, I have been given the choice of living abroad, in the good old US of A, and take my future in my hands.

I had given up, truly. When I got the acceptance at SCAD and expressed my excitement to go there, my parents and family did not agree. In their eyes, I was 26 and unmarried, getting old and nearing my expiration date. However, one day in November, my parents just came up to me and told me that they will support my decision to go to SCAD despite what everyone says or thinks.

And so, I applied for and got my student visa, and here I am. I’ll march my band out.
I will beat my drum,
And if I’m fanned out,
Your turn at bat, sir,

I can sing this whole damn song, and I have realized that I am a theater nerd as well.

To new beginnings!

xoxo

Rantings

I’ve been standing at a crossroad in this phase of my life for a very long time now. And I guess, I’ve procrastinated a little (okay, a lot). And it hasn’t helped. Neither has family for that matter.

When should parents back off from trying to control their child’s life? I feel as if I am still their puppet. I try to break free but they won’t keep their hands off of me, and I just trip over and fall each time I make a run for it.

Asian parents are more controlling than the average parent, and I guess one can’t really get them off their backs so easily. Especially Brown parents. Also, especially in a stupid society like Pakistan’s.

But when is enough enough? When do we finally say no? When do we take back our own lives? I want to be the grownup they’ve raised me to be. But HOW do I get this past the thick skulls of theirs? My parents are full of contradictions. On one hand, I am old enough to have 3 kids by now, a house and a husband of my own. But, yet, I am too naive to make my own decisions and too young to take control of my life.

When will parents let their kids finally grow up?

The Wizarding School of my Dreams

What to do when your dream school rejects you?

I always knew Durham as Hogwarts, as parts of the Harry Potter films were shot there, such as this famous scene from the first movie.

harry_potter_philosophers_stone_58

However, it was my last year at college, and my Advanced English teacher, born and raised in UK, asked me about my majors for undergrad university. It was a routine check up for the whole class.

Since I was a shy student, she barely knew anything about me. I told her I wanted to study Creative Writing, and that I was passionate about it, and so, she asked to read my poems.

Later, she called me to the teacher’s room, and we talked for a long time. She was the first and only one to recommend Durham. It’s been almost 6 years since we had that talk, and however I don’t recall much, I do remember her exact words: Durham is Harvard for writers. 

And so, keeping in mind our conversation, I applied to Durham University last month for their Masters program. I was unsure, of course, because Durham is one of the best institutions in the UK.

I hadn’t received a word on the update of my application, and it had been over the usual 6-month period, so I emailed them today. I woke up to find their very bittersweet rejection.

Sure, I am not the best writer out there, but a part of me wasn’t expecting it… Sigh.

There could have been a hundred things they didn’t like about me and honestly, I would have preferred if they had disclosed the reason why I didn’t make the cut.

Was it my writing style, was it boring? Were my poems not professional enough? Dear God, I hope there weren’t any grammatical mistakes. Did my personal essay put them to sleep? Was it my IELTS score? Was my resume not up to point, or was it just me in general? The fact I am an international student and of Pakistani origin?

Any of these could be the reason I didn’t make the final decision, and I really wish they had disclosed what it was. Because these questions will definitely haunt me for a long, long time.

Something to be thankful for 

It’s been a busy week. My sister is here from UK for Easter break. She will go back on Sunday. 

My brother, Hassaan, has chicken pox. His twin, Safi, will soon also get it. They’re 13. Also, to make things worse, Safi fractured his hand and wrist by falling down in school today. Right now, he has his whole left arm in a cast. And soon, he will get chicken pox and it will be quite difficult for him to be in that cast. 😦

On a lighter note, my siblings and I are talking again. We are finally getting along.We laugh, watch movies and cricket matches together. We go out shopping and have dessert and icecream. We’ve even started eating dinner at the same time, the whole family together at the table. 

I guess one can never really hate their siblings. Even though at times, you’ll want to tear their heads off. But there really is a natural bond that can never fade away. 

Anyway. It’s been a good week. 🙂 Very hectic, though. 😅 But I am thankful. ☺️ 

March ’16

March is such a busy month for me, it just seems to fly away. My sister is here from UK for easter holidays and so is my aunt with her family. Her poor kids are sick.  Also, my younger brother has contracted chicken pox and it will be not long since his twin also catches it. 😕

On another note, I have finally motivated myself enough to start working out again. I want to be the way I was 2 years ago. Sigh. I used to be very thin. I don’t know how I let myself gain all this excess weight. Ugh. The other day, I met a classmate with whom I went to college with. She couldn’t recognize me. And I guess that was my wakeup call. 😧

Anyway. My other bff Mariam is getting married some time in July and I really want to wear a sarree. It will officially be my first time! I do have the height to pull it off but not the body since I’m kind of overweight now. Ugh.

I hope I lose all this fat soon.

Nose piercing? 

In Pakistan, usually girls about to get married get their noses pierced. In my family, unmarried girls are not allowed to, as all the grandmas say it’s a sign of the girl being engaged. That’s what I was told all the time I was growing up.

However, all my younger girl cousins had their piercings done last year. I wanted to, as well, but mom reckons I’ll look really above my age as I’m not skinny and thin anymore. True, I’ve gained a couple of (okay, a lot of) pounds in the last two years, and I’m not skinny as I used to be. 😐

My mom has a point, too, I guess. Because I’m 26 in August soon. And she’s frantically trying to find me a husband. And because of my fatness, I’m having trouble keeping the attention of potential proposals. 😏

Ugh. Tbh, I really just wanna get it over with. 😐😐😐 I’m a huge scaredy cat when it comes to something involving needles and skin and pain. 😟 and sometimes, I just change my mind. What if I look stupid with a nose ring, what if it makes my nose look fatter? All these questions keep me overthinking up at night… 😕😕😕😕

My best friend’s wedding 

Two of my really good friends got married earlier in January. I cut my vacation short just so that I could attend their wedding. No way was I gonna miss it!

We arrived at dawn of 9th January and their wedding was at night the same day. I only slept for two hours after unpacking. I had called this talented mehndi (henna) lady at my house at 10 am. She came an hour later, and the whole time she was putting henna on my hands, I was so sleepy! She was slow in the art and it obviously shows. In the end, I had her hurry up but she designed so well! 😍😍😍👌🏼

My mom had her designer friend make my dress while we were in the UK and this is what she made and I’m absolutely in love. Felt like a princess! 👸🏼👸🏼👸🏼☺️☺️☺️

Unfortunately, I don’t have many pictures of myself 😏 because my brother who usually only takes my pictures was sleeping.

The wedding was a lovely event. Iqra looked so pretty as a bride and Zain, the groom. It was so fun because I’m their mutual friend and their families know me, I didn’t feel as if I was intruding. A few of my friends were there, too. Odd enough not many showed up! 🙄🙄🙄

Here are a few pictures!

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I wore this fancy skirt with a high waisted top and a teeka, it’s that thing on my forehead. Huge earrings are my trademark. 😚 Usually everyone dresses fancy at weddings, however, niether of my two friends who were at the wedding dressed fancy. 😏😏😏

The Valima was two days after the wedding. The Valima is a reception party thrown by the groom’s side of the family.

It was a grand event, with beautiful flower arrangements! There was even a video collage that played for some time and I was featured in it! Yayyy! 💁🏽💁🏽💃🏽☺️☺️☺️

Pictures:

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