I’ve been standing at a crossroad in this phase of my life for a very long time now. And I guess, I’ve procrastinated a little (okay, a lot). And it hasn’t helped. Neither has family for that matter.

When should parents back off from trying to control their child’s life? I feel as if I am still their puppet. I try to break free but they won’t keep their hands off of me, and I just trip over and fall each time I make a run for it.

Asian parents are more controlling than the average parent, and I guess one can’t really get them off their backs so easily. Especially Brown parents. Also, especially in a stupid society like Pakistan’s.

But when is enough enough? When do we finally say no? When do we take back our own lives? I want to be the grownup they’ve raised me to be. But HOW do I get this past the thick skulls of theirs? My parents are full of contradictions. On one hand, I am old enough to have 3 kids by now, a house and a husband of my own. But, yet, I am too naive to make my own decisions and too young to take control of my life.

When will parents let their kids finally grow up?


Of BFFs and besties

Having girlfriends is quite crucial in a girl’s life. We read about it in books, see it in the movies. The Girl Code, sisters before misters, chicks before dicks. We’ve all heard these sayings more than once in our lives. Everyday, around us. Movies, TV shows, books, music, you name it. They all preach the importance of sisterhood, having girl friends, and as they say “boys come and go but girlfriends are forever.”

This had me thinking. And it came as a blow. When I think about BFFs and besties and girl friends, I can’t name one in my life. Like. Yes. I had BFFs, I had plenty. Just, the friendship wouldn’t last long no matter what I tried. Every year, I’d make a new BFF, and every time I would lose her to someone or something else. And that would leave me feeling sad all the time.

I am not that kind of person who has a big circle of friends, I’ve never been that person. The friends that I have are very few. Mostly one or two. And I don’t talk to anybody who hasn’t ever spoken to me. I don’t know, I just don’t like meeting new people.

I know when I started becoming this reserved. I changed schools three times in 4 years, and thus, I had no friends. I’d stay to myself, mind my own business. The whole of sixth grade, I was friendless. I was the new girl and nobody would talk to me. In seventh grade, there was only one girl whom I spoke with. For the next two years, she became my BFFFFFF. Seriously. I was so happy that someone was friends with me, I think I freaked her out by being too excited. But. In the ninth grade, she got in a separate class, and we would only meet when it was the lunch period or when the school was over. Gradually, she had different friends and I was left alone again.

In the tenth grade, there was this girl, who sat next to me and she became a good friend. But we never spoke once we finished school, so. That doesn’t even count.

When I started college, the first few months were HORRIBLE for me. But soon after, I made friends with three girls, and we’re still friends, but we rarely meet because two of them are married with babies and we all just got busy with our lives. We do the occasional hi and hello.

When I started university, it was a fresh start. But the first semester was depressing for me as my parents didn’t let me go out with new friends, and soon I became the “weird girl.” I started reading a lot and nobody bothered me, and I was happy with that. But in the second semester, a girl approached me and she literally forced us to be friends. She got married in August and I shared pictures of us here. She could be my BFF but she’s moved to Sri Lanka with her husband and so now, we just talk over whatsapp or facebook.

There was this other girl at university, too. I initiated the friendship, though. And we were really good friends. BFFs, morelike. We spent four years, studying the same courses and taking the same classes. And we always paired together in assignments and projects. We used to go EVERYWHERE together. But. In the last year at university, I lost her to a boy. She got in a relationship with a guy from our class, who is now her fiance. When she started dating him, it was as if I had stopped existing. We used to sit in the same class, together, but we never talked because she was so busy flirting with her then-boyfriend. And so, back to my books I went. I started buying a lot of books and finishing them in just a few days. And when I ran out of new stuff to read, I started re-reading the Harry Potter series (for the fifteenth time). We talk now. But very less. It’s usually when she needs something from me, she’ll text.

I don’t know, though. All this hype about having girl friends, and the Girl Code and Friends Forever. For me, this is all bull. No offense. But seriously. Nothing lasts forever. Not family, not friends, not love. But. Obviously, I don’t want to be a pessimist. So. I am looking. It’s not like I have stopped hoping, because I do. I have hopes, and I have dreams. Let’s see what life has to offer now.

By the way, I’m really sorry for sharing my whole (almost) life story to you here. I had something brief in mind and all this came out.