Beauty cannot be defined.

Ever since I was a child, I have been told over and over again, what beauty is, and what steps I should follow to ensure that I become beautiful. And because of this, all through the years that I was growing up, I struggled with my body image and trying to achieve the so-called beauty stereotype.

But as a child, I did not understand what the fuss was all about. Why would my grandmother instruct my mom to keep me from playing in the sun for too long, or why should she control the amount of food that I eat? Why would my mother scold me for talking in a loud voice, or laughing loudly? When I did not understand still, they had to tell me what beauty is (sweet voice, fair skin, petite frame) and what beauty isn’t (tall, dark skin, loud voice, fat).

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The women in my life hated certain parts of their body. I was confused. Beauty, for me, was unspecified. My grandmother, with her wrinkles and her dainty pearls; my mom, and the lines that formed beneath her green eyes and outlined her mouth when she smiled; and my aunt, with her long and pointy ears that so resembled mine, were beautiful. What they thought were flaws, were beautiful to me. In the eyes of a child, beauty is boundless and effortless.

Honestly, I did not care that the sun would make my skin more tan than it already was, or that the food I eat would give me spots on my skin, or how loud I’d sound when I laughed. I was just a child, and children will be children. I did not know that having a darker skin color was shameful, or having a natural deep voice was a bad thing. I thought I was beautiful, too, with all my crooked teeth and my tan skin and my loud voice. I did not, for one second, think that I was not beautiful.

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With my mom’s youngest sister. I must be 6 or younger.

Everything changed when I started growing up. Since I used to play in the sun a lot, I got tan. More tan, than I already was. My skin color was prominent than ever because my mother, siblings, and all of my cousins were fair-skinned. They were milk, and I was chocolate milk. That did not bother me. But everyone in my family acted as if it was the most horrendous thing ever happen to me. As I started my teens, their behavior got worse. My grandmother would concoct home remedies to lighten my skin color, and my mom and aunt forced me bleach my face. Being told that the color of my skin is not beauty, was shattering. And since then, I stopped looking in the mirror.

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My siblings were as white as snow, and I was as dark as coal. My best friend was fair, and I was not. My grandmother had whiter skin than me. I got so self-conscious that I stopped appearing in photographs altogether. I hated it when my picture got taken, because my cruel aunt and cousins would make fun of my color and my then crooked teeth.

My dad’s sister, while we were going through old family pictures one day, told me that when I was born and she saw me for the first time, she shrieked because I had really brown skin. She even said that she asked God what her poor brother had done to deserve such a daughter. Those were her exact words, but in Urdu.

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With grandparents. I was 10 here.

My skin color was an embarrassment, I was starting to feel embarrassed about myself. I stopped smiling. I stopped loving myself. 

Pakistani, and Indian people alike, have a strong beauty standard that concerns the skin color of girls. The common misconception and belief in my society is, that if a girl has dark skin, she will have trouble getting a great marriage proposal because nobody desires a dark-skinned wife and daughter-in-law (sadly, this is 10000000% true).

For them, beauty is fair skin. And that’s probably because of the British rule over us for many years. The British were fair-skinned, white, and pale, considering the climate and weather of the place where they lived. And the people of Subcontinent (Pakistan and India) lived in opposite conditions, and thus, had brown skin as compared to the British.

Despite of their distressing rule over the Subcontinent, I believe that the people were quite mesmerized by their white skin. They probably thought it was the epitome of beauty. And that has stuck since and has become the stereotype of beauty in my society. Hence, the huge production, demand and sale of fairness and bleach face creams in India and Pakistan:

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I let these things affect me every day for a number of years. I let myself be haunted by this… depressed by this, night after night. I was crying all the time, hating the world. I wanted white skin because I thought that would make me beautiful. Turns out I was wrong. And I have realized this now. I’ve decided I won’t let myself be exploited by some twisted logic. I do not agree with society’s portrayal of beauty. It’s superficial and fake. Yes, beautiful people exist. But just like you can’t compare apples with oranges, or two classic movies, you can’t also just compare beauty. And it’s better to love yourself and not live with a dark cloud hovering above your head all the time. You need to be happy to have a healthy mind.

Society has to change. Beauty cannot be defined. All over the world, people are crying themselves to sleep, starving, cutting, loathing their bodies, and undergoing multiple surgeries to change the way they look. Beauty comes in all shapes, colors and sizes. We say that a lot of times, but we need to believe it, too. Believe that you are beautiful, believe that you are enough.

My inspiration behind this blog post:

Great! Another Thing to Hate About Ourselves by Jennifer Weiner

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Why I wish I had a time-turner right now

😥

Because I’ve just come back from the hairdresser’s. AND SHE GAVE ME A FRINGE/REALLY REALLY WEIRD BANGS.

I’ve no idea what went wrong. Well, actually I have a few: The lady who usually cuts my hair didn’t come in today. So I was assigned someone new. I was a bit skeptical at first, because I didn’t trust her. But she seemed nice, so I decided she can cut my hair.

WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE! 😥

So, there I was, in that high chair, with the overcoat around my neck so tight, I was almost choking. She asked me what I wanted done, and I told her. ONLY to refresh my side bangs. I think she was inexperienced. I don’t know. But she made a mistake. I saw it in her eyes, it was so obvious. She messed up, and after realizing what she had done, her eyes got really wide. It was all SO clear. And then she came and stood before me, blocking my view from the mirror, and off she went with the scissors. Clippety snippety, snip snap. And when I finally looked in the mirror…. OH, THE HORROR!

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A NIGHTMARE!

She tried pinning it on me. Saying how I couldn’t tell her EXACTLY what I had wanted. But I couldn’t really say anything back to her because she was still holding the scissors in her hand. *gulp* But really, the damage was done. 😦 So I am stuck with really stupid, short front hair. I look so ugly. Gah. *hides under a rock*

Time to start wearing the headscarf until the hair grows back. Ugh.

The Liebster Award

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Hi, guys! I’ve been nominated for this award by TheNorthStar. Thank you so much! ❤ It’s going to be my second time doing this, though. I don’t know if we can do it again, but what the heck. I’m going to. 🙂

Okay. So, here are the rules:

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you.
  • Answer the 11 questions set by the blogger. 
  • Give 11 facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers.
  • Let the 11 other bloggers know you have nominated them, and give 11 new questions for them to answer.

1. Have you ever broken any bones?

No, I haven’t. But I’ve had burns, cuts and bruises plenty of times.

2. What is the weirdest thing you have done?

Um, lemme think… okay, so every time I go shoe shopping, I try on the longest heels and walk around, towering over everybody.

3. If you could be a professor at Hogwarts, what would you teach?

Oh, that’s easy peasy. Defence Against the Dark Arts, of course! Or maybe Potions. Idk. DADA seems really fun. Buuuut I’m really good at potions on Pottermore…

4. If you were in charge of the education system in your country, what would you change?

I’ve a lot to say here. Um. I live in Pakistan and the school system here is really bad. The private schools are doing quite well, but the public schools are a mess. And all rich kids go to private schools, obviously, and they are getting excellent education, whereas, kids from not-so-rich families go to public schools. And they have to face countless problems concerning resources and materials provided. Also, they are NOT getting the same quality of education as the rich kids. Quality of education matters. Teachers have to be passionate about teaching. What on earth will students learn from their lazy ass teachers?

Also, I would make it mandatory in ALL schools to learn and study all languages of Pakistan: Urdu, Sindhi, Punjabi, Balochi, etc. This will hopefully instil tolerance and create a sense of unity. Idk.

5. What was the last movie you watched?

Tangled. 🙂 It’s my favorite Disney movie. 🙂 ❤

6. Pizza or chips?

Pizza all the way! Haha. I LOVE pizza, oh my God. It’s my favorite food in the world! My favorite flavor is Chicken Tikka. It tastes heavenly!

7. Which country would you most like to visit and why? 

I would like to visit Switzerland again because it’s one of the most beautiful places in the world. And I like winter and snow and the cold. I’ve never ever seen actual snowfall, though. I went to Switzerland in the summer of 2012 with my family. It was a lovely experience. ❤ Also, I would like to visit UK and the US, too.

8. Have you ever had an imaginary friend?

OHMYGOD, yes. When I was a kid. Hahaha. Oh my God. I was such a loser. But that only lasted for a year, I think. Thank God, I grew out of it.

9. What languages can you speak? 

I’m kinda really bummed out about this because I only speak 2 languages. English, and Urdu, which is my mother-tongue. When I was in the 4th grade, they started giving us mandatory French classes, which was really nice, and our teacher was this French lady, probably in her early 20s with short hair. She was really cool, and we all liked her so much. My family changed my school in the 6th grade, and my new school didn’t offer it and then, I just forgot all that I’d learned.

10. What is your favourite vegetable?

I really like carrots. Cucumbers, french fries. 😛

11. What are your favourite properties on the Monopoly board game?

Mayfair, and Oxford Street.

11 FACTS:

  1. I love heels. I wish I could wear them all the time. But I have no experience whatsoever because I’m 5’10” and my mom never let me wear heels, fearing I’d look too tall.
  2. I sleep with two really fluffy pillows.
  3. I’m listening to Taylor Swift right now.
  4. I hate 50 shades of grey with a burning passion.
  5. My cousins call me ‘baby magnet’ because I’m really good with kids and babies.
  6. I think I’m losing my youth and that’s depressing…
  7. I have kinda lost interest in baking. And that’s really weird coming from me: a baking extraordinaire, who used to bake something different every single day of the week.
  8. I want to get a haircut, but at the same time, I don’t want my hair short.
  9. I love wooden floors and white marble floors.
  10. I haven’t had spaghetti in months.
  11. I am really hungry right now.

My nominations:

I nominate

11 Questions:

  1. What is your favorite movie and why?
  2. Have you ever gotten an F in school?
  3. What are the first 3 songs on your playlist?
  4. What color do you hate the most and why?
  5. Has something made you happy today?
  6. Do you have a bucketlist? What is the first thing on it?
  7. List 5 things that you would rescue or save if your house was on fire.
  8. What is the meaning of your name?
  9. Do you like where you live at the moment?
  10. Who is the first person you go to in your times of need?
  11. Share your favorite quote.

A personal post

People all around me are accomplishing major things in their lives. They are either

  • getting married
  • or engaged
  • giving birth
  • knocked up again
  • getting their Masters degree and their PhD’s and double PhD’s
  • landing dream jobs
  • travelling the world
  • having an amazing social life

And I’m just sitting here like: ._.

And do you know what I’m doing in the meantime?

  • finding more and more TV shows to watch
  • sleep
  • eat
  • TV shows
  • go to the gym (sometimes)
  • go to class (every Wednesday)
  • sleep
  • eat
  • sleep
  • visit cousins and extended family (sometimes)
  • find TV shows
  • finish all seasons
  • obsess about those TV shows
  • and ultimately, watch even more TV shows

Seriously. I am in so many fandoms, I’ve lost track. Currently, I’m obsessing over How to Get Away With Murder. I started the show 2 days ago. I’m on the 11th episode now. I watched 11 episodes in 2 days. And to answer your question, yes, I have a zero social life. No going out, or hanging out with friends, or whatever. It’s been MONTHS since I last saw my friends. Well, I saw them on the 15th, at a friend’s engagement party, but that was only for an hour.

So. THAT is why I spend all my time watching TV shows. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO. Ohhh. I just remembered I have an unfinished assignment from this class I’m taking at university. Oops. Okay. But seriously, what the heck am I doing with my life?

How I am going to spend my Valentine’s

1. Eat chocolate

2. Watch Tangled

3. More chocolate

4. Binge on Disney movies

5. Sob

6. Re-watch Tangled

6. Eat some more chocolate

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Tangled is one of my favorite Disney movies, most favorite in fact. I’ve probably seen it 15 times since it was released. And it makes me cry almost every single time. Love this movie. ❤

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This is my favorite scene in the movie. Yes, I bawl through it. No, I’m not 6.

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Shawn L. Bird

What’s Valentine’s Day for?

Sure she’s there

yesterday, today, tomorrow

but don’t forget

love needs fuel:

a compliment

a coffee

a night out

a gift of time

a smile

a kiss.

She needs to know

every day

that you would do it all over again

that she’s your only love,

that she makes you a better man.

What’s Valentine’s Day for?

Sure he’s there

yesterday, today, tomorrow

but don’t forget

love needs fuel:

a compliment

a coffee

a night out

a gift of time

a smile

a kiss.

He needs to know

every day

that you would do it all over again

that he’s your only love,

that he makes you a better woman.

Valentine’s Day is just a day,

but it’s  day to remind you

that you shouldn’t take you lover

for granted.

If you don’t want to buy expensive

flowers and heart shaped boxes

of bad chocolate on February 14th,

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