End

Dear God. 

I hope you will forgive me.

I know death is not something I can control… I know it’s against everything that You have said. I know that because I was raised that way. “People who kill themselves go to Hell.”

I know, God, I know. 

And I’m sorry for I have no choice. 

It hurts. It all hurts so much. I don’t want it to hurt anymore…

I know it’s stupid of me to hope I get in Heaven.

I’m sorry, God…

Please.

Get Pretty

There’s certain stars that you wish you could hold
Pluck from the sky before your body gets too old
You made some mistakes
And you hate
How the lines take your face
So you cry
Not tonight

You can get pretty
Whenever you want to
Whenever you want to
You can get pretty
Whenever you want to
Whenever you want to

There’s so much life that has passed through the door
Mascara stains drawing lines on the floor
Beaten and bruised
I.O.U’s
You can’t admit that you’re used
So you lie
Not tonight

You can get pretty
Whenever you want to
Whenever you want to
You can get pretty
Whenever you want to
Whenever you want to

Do nothing at all

-ANTHONY SALARI, Get Pretty

Hooked

You walked in and it was sweet sunshine
I wanted to hold your hand all the time
I picked you my favorite flower
Smiled so much our cheeks hurt for hours
Tomorrow came different and tomorrow came soon
You called me over to see your room
When I walked in you bumped my the blood ran pretty all over your bed

Stu, Stu, stupid pretty girl
Came around to ruin my world
You set my hair on fire
Pushed me down and call me a liar
Stu, Stu, stupid pretty girl
Came around to ruin my world
You set my hair on fire
Pushed me down and call me a liar

Baby baby why you treat me so bad
Can’t you see that it makes me sad
All this “ough” you put me through
You knew I’d do anything for you so
Wait a minute where you going now
See I thought love was all about
A hug and kiss or holding tight
But you brought knives to slice, slice, slice me

Stu, Stu, stupid pretty girl
Came around to ruin my world
You set my hair on fire
Pushed me down and call me a liar
Stu, Stu, stupid pretty girl
Came around to ruin my world
You set my hair on fire
Pushed me down and call me a liar

I don’t love you like you want to
I don’t need you like you need me to

-ANTHONY SALARI, Stupid Pretty Girl

4:40 am and I’m not suicidal

Why do people cut? Most say it’s for attention, but I don’t think so. No. People cut for totally separate reasons. They want to unfeel, they want to disappear.

Maybe the emotional pain is too much to take on. Maybe they don’t want to feel all that heartbreak and that emotional agony, and so, to take their minds off that pain, they resort to cutting. Enduring physical pain is much preferable than emotional pain. Maybe, maybe not. But for me, this is the case.

I started cutting when I was in the 9th grade. My wrists, especially the left one. This continued over the years, in college, in university. But I had stopped. I am clean since two years. Because the past two years were happiness, and flowers, and rainbows and sunshine for me because I was in love.

However, I cut for the first time (in two years) last week. And again, tonight. And no, I assure you it isn’t for the attention. It’s definitely to not be able to feel all this hurt that’s eating away my heart.

And now, I feel okay. I don’t know. Now, my wrist hurts and my mind’s off the sadness lingering in my heart. Also, I’ve done a lot of crying, but I know, I’m never dried up. There will be more to come. And maybe, that will stop me from cutting again, but I don’t really know.

Anyway. I never intend to kill myself, even though I’ve had that thought many times, throughout my life. And that is not because I’m an optimist, but it’s because

a. My religion forbids suicide,

b. And I’ll go to Hell,

c. I’m scared of death and dying

So, no. I’m not suicidal. I don’t know what I am.

Mauritius: Day 1 (in pictures)

Okay. So, You all know what I think of Mauritius. I posted about it in my previous blog post. You can read it here.

So, this is my Day One in Mauritius. We visited so many places. I fell in love with every single one of them. The nature, the mountains, the forests, the beauty. Wow… I am truly amazed and totally speechless. Beautiful. You might notice I don’t have pictures of the beach. That’s probably because, unlike many people, I do not very much like the beach. I haven’t gone down there since I got here.

Anyway. It’s a little late, I know, been busy, but here are the pictures!

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Reading material:

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THE HOTEL:

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